There’s A Battle For My Mind
Lord, I’m not helpless, but I need your help. I’m not falling apart, but I’m falling behind and need to catch up to the reality of who you created me to be. Father God, I have not lost my way, but I’m lost in this season, and I don’t know which way to go. I’m not blind, but somehow my vision is blurred, which prevents me from seeing clearly. What do you do when everyone needs to be embraced, but no one has the capacity to embrace the other? Where do you go to find solitude when the person you’re trying to escape is you? I want to be planted like a tree, but I’m more like an anchor that’s rooted in you, because the sea is constantly manipulating my chain. Encouraged one moment, defeated the next. This human frailty is draining me while my spirit craves to be closer to you. You say you want us broken and repentant, but I just want to be whole and at peace. I hate that my natural response is to go against what’s pleasing to you. Why can’t I effectively kill this flesh? Why is it stubborn like Pharaoh, always chasing me down every time I find freedom?
I know the answers to these questions, yet I still ponder, hoping to encounter a new revelation that would bring understanding to my soul. Apart from you, I am weak; when I’m broken down, I become desensitized. The only thing that sustains me is my hunger for you, Lord. Pretending is too much work, and explaining myself is exhausting. Is there a way for me to get there without some sort of sacrifice? I know the answer and I understand the cost, and even in my need for help, I’m still willing to pay it. I know you’re refining me, but that doesn’t make the pain hurt any less. I know you’re pruning me, but I still feel the loss of what was cut away.
Each transition tests my character, but what lies deep in my heart is that I only want to do what pleases you. I don’t want to fail due to ignorance or laziness. If I must press, help me to press and push past my limits. Help me see beyond myself, help me to find my fight, and cast aside my flight response. There’s a battle for my mind, but I won’t let the enemy win. God, you have fortified my mind and given me the authority to choose who I invite in. It is my choice who has access; I permit those who breach the walls. I decide who passes through the barriers you created. Don’t allow me to let the enemy in because of moments of weakness! Don’t let me abandon my battle strategy because I’m emotional; it’s not worth the damage! Though my chain moves with the sea, I still choose to be anchored in you, Jesus!
There’s a battle for my mind and a bidding on my soul. The enemy is attacking from the land, sea, and air. But as Psalm 18:33-35 declares, He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. He trains my hands for battle; he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow. You have given your shield of victory. Your right hand supports me; your help has made me great. I will fight until the battle is won!
CBLH