Seeing From Another Lens

I became a woman in your arms. Lying on your chest is where I found safety and vulnerability. Your soft embrace is what was needed to break through the hard shell I called a heart. My womanhood emerged when I found safety. My voice became distinct when I knew true love. I was willing to fight and protect what began to nurture me constantly. While I was coming alive, I was dying; while I was finding myself, I was being separated. The me I never knew began to take up space, so the old me had no choice but to accept the eviction notice and begin to leave. I could fight to keep what was known, but what I knew kept me from feeling. I began to love what it meant to be soft. Awareness gave me the ability to be present. Present in my pain, present in my dysfunctions, but also present in my freedom. Oh, how much hardship made me miss out on such beautiful pains. Oh, how bondage made me blind to the world, my deficiency only allowing me to see from one lens. What I thought was abandonment was strategic placement. Loneliness was not a curse but a gift to build me. At the same time, rejection was separating the wheat from the tare. How blessed was I when I wasn’t accepted by the people I never liked? How fortunate I was to be isolated when I was willing to bend. 

Jesus, you became my way. The ground I walked on shifted before I knew you. I never had an example of a solid foundation until you allowed me to stand on you firmly. Every embrace I thought I needed was no longer sufficient to fill my desire for wholeness. Lord, you came and made me new. You gave me life! You tore me down, all while lovingly exposing me to myself—a broken woman in need of healing. You built me up and showed me pure love, expanding my perspective. I cried, and you answered not just with a word but with the supplies to pull me out. I was sinking, and you met me in my despair; you understood me. Never judged, always firmly corrected me. Though you gave me the supplies to pull, I had to build strength intentionally to climb my way out. What seemed like torture taught me strategy and helped me build strength and endurance. It is in the deep where I learned resilience and loyalty. 

For so long, I thought I was at a disadvantage; all the while, I was being nurtured in the chaos, molded by the dysfunction to be a light in the darkness. My voice wasn’t made to inflict pain; it was made to liberate and free those who are held captive. My voice was created to help shift the lens of YOUR pain to help YOU triumph. I was made on purpose with a purpose, so the adversary tried to set the tone of the words spoken over my life. I thank the Lord for being my shield and covering me when I was unaware I needed protection. I’m glad my footsteps were led before I could truly see the path. I’m thankful for the nourishment that was provided when I was empty. Lord, when I look through you, I see that my days are bright and promising. Thank you for providing me with clear vision! I decided to come broken, to leave healing… because healing is a process and becoming whole takes time!

Originally written on 8/9/24