The Pain of Giving Birth
When I was pregnant with my first child, I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum, a condition characterized by severe vomiting and nausea. This illness was so intense that I couldn’t keep anything down, not even water, to stay hydrated. I lost over 20 pounds due to sickness. Mentally, I struggled during this time, wondering how something so precious could have such a detrimental effect on my health. It almost felt like God was speaking directly to me when he said I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy (Gen 3:16). I had to fight my own thoughts, questioning whether my body was strong enough to do what it was designed to do: give birth to this child I wanted so badly. I would find myself in the dark of my room, falling into the depths of despair. I would sit in agony and cry, but sometimes tears wouldn’t fall because I was so dehydrated. With the little strength I had, I would whisper- Lord, do you see me? Can you hear me calling out to you? Will I survive? Will I be able to make it to see the baby you finally blessed me with? Is there anything I can do for you to show mercy? Is there a place I can go where you will meet me because my spirit and flesh are at war? I want this, but if I must suffer to this extent, I’m highly considering forfeiting the blessing. Don’t allow me to think or speak the lies the enemy feeds me in my distress.
It’s during times like these that desperation arises, and a choice must be made. Either run and seek solutions from the world or humble yourself and call on the Most High. At that time, my husband was away for work, my mother was limited in the ways she could help, and emergency room visits only provided temporary relief. I had no choice but to call on the God I serve, the one who is above all names. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, “…if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face… I will hear from heaven…” It was through prayer that he met me; prayer changed the course of my pregnancy. Things didn’t improve immediately, but my mindset did. I had to fight for what I’ve been fighting for. I had to understand that some transitions come with pain, and it’s in enduring and staying the course that enables the blessing to be seen.
Spiritual Birthing
What I’ve learned over the years is that spiritual birthing can bring about the same kinds of pain. If you were to ask me how I feel about this journey the Lord has me on, doing ministry in this capacity, I would say I feel ill-equipped. I would argue that there is someone out there better than me with the resources to execute what the Lord is asking of me. I’d say that running away is easier, and staying hidden is convenient because it comes with fewer expectations. I’d rather keep my brokenness close and help those within my reach, but that’s not how the Lord works. Before I was able to give birth to my oldest son, there were trials and tribulations to overcome, and the same is true for this birthing process.
There were many labor pains I had to push through just to bring this blog into existence. My emotions, pride, fear of the unknown, fear of success, and resistance from the enemy all challenged me. Initially, I was mainly concerned with how people would react to my struggles. Would they understand my love for the Lord and accept my transformation? Would they be able to receive the Lord’s truth through me? All these questions centered on myself. However, the Lord allowed me to experience these pains privately, allowing me the opportunity to confront each fear and eventually overcome my ego and pride, so I could become a better servant to the people He has called me to serve. Just like in my natural pregnancy, I needed the Lord to intervene. Without help from the Holy Spirit, I might have considered aborting the blessing because carrying it was becoming too complicated. My focus was more on man than on Jesus, and that’s a sign of spiritual dehydration—nothing thrives in a dry place. I had to remember what Jesus said in John 15: 18-19, “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world…”
It’s time to push
Giving birth was frightening; I was placed in many different positions I wasn’t prepared for. And when things didn’t go as planned, other arrangements had to be made to ensure my baby and I would survive. As his heart rate dropped with each contraction, they asked me to sign the dotted line to perform an emergency C-section. I sat silently, feeling like a failure, with tears streaming down my face, thinking this is where I sign my life away—disappointed that I never had the opportunity to push—left with the impression that if pregnancy doesn’t take you out, giving birth will—such a toxic view. However, the Lord gave me another opportunity with my second child to push and give birth naturally, reviving my hope and changing my outlook.
The Lord gives us time to nurture the baby within us during pregnancy, and we must use that time wisely to prepare for its arrival. Because when it’s time to push, it’s time to push; once done, everything in your world changes.
The Main Point
There are times when the Lord wants to increase someone through partnership. He gives the dream and desire, and then works with them to bring his vision to life, whether it’s a business, ministry, or a family. It is God working in us, giving us the desire to do what pleases him (Phil 2:13). We cannot let internal or external factors discourage us from doing what we know we are called to do. Giving birth is painful; whether it’s cut or pushed out of you, you will feel its effects, but the joy that awaits on the other side makes you forget all the pain that was endured.
Traveling into uncharted territory can be terrifying, but it’s not a valid reason to abort. We must stay hydrated by filling ourselves with the Word because it will guide our decisions. It is Jesus who tells us that if we drink the water he provides, we will never thirst again (John 4:14). Pregnancy (carrying the promise) has been challenging for me every time, and each time I wondered if I had the strength to endure and the courage to push when the time came; and I realize that I didn’t. Prayer helped me to push past my insecurities, push past my fears, and push past my unbelief so that I can give birth to something so beautiful each time.
So, if you must, cry out to the Lord and let him lead and guide you through each push so you can give birth to what he has placed inside you. Pain is inevitable, but once you push past it, you will be encouraged that you did!
CBLH